You Can’t Have It All — And That’s Okay

By Emma Kate Miller

A chance moment in an airport fourteen years ago forced me to confront the impossible idea that women can have it all. As the year draws to a close, this is a reflection on burnout, motherhood, redefining success—and the freedom that comes from choosing what really matters.

As the year winds down, I have been thinking about a moment that changed everything for me.

Fourteen years ago I was the mum of a six year old and a seven year old. We never had a support network. Estranged fathers and prematurely dying mothers tend to take care of that.

In 2011 I had a serious job. Well paid, senior, impressive on paper. My partner and I were constantly travelling for work, living out of suitcases. One day I was standing in East Midlands Airport, killing time before a flight, trying to work out which electricals my small daughters might think were cool Christmas presents - spoiler alert - none. It was also the days before Amazon prime. My basket had £85 worth of goods in it and £120 of postage and packing…I had a sudden, very clear realisation.

This is not the life I want.

The salary was great, but every cough and sniffle from those little girls sent my cortisol through the roof. With their frankly Dickensian immune systems, there were a lot of coughs and sniffles. The mental load was relentless. The diary juggling, the guilt. Then my body joined the conversation. Ramsay Hunt Syndrome. Shingles, in my face.

My mind, body and soul had had enough.

I decided I was done and that I was going to focus on the two people who had always brought me the most joy. My girls.

Freelancing is far from stress free, but it gave me control. I could cut the pointless travel. I could do drop off and pick up. I could make sure school shirts were ironed and packed lunches made. Things that had started to feel impossible when a 6am flight to Bristol was involved.

I am Gen X. We do not ask for help. We just keep going until our internal warning system starts screaming.

Being a good mum was always high on my list of values. But I had also absorbed the message that I should be at the top of my career, an attentive wife, sister and friend, well groomed, well informed, politically aware, stylish, with a clean house and a face that suggested I had slept.

Standing in that airport I realised I could not do all of that. I could maybe shave my legs once a fortnight and put a load of laundry on once a week.

Fourteen years on, that moment was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I quit my job and focused on us. The Core Four. We lost my salary and I probably shed a chunk of identity tied up in work. I did not care. I had been punishing myself with the idea that women can have it all. Some women can. Those with childcare, stay at home partners, cleaners, home help, beauty on tap. And hats off to them! But I did not have those things. Something had to give, and it was never going to be my health or my children.

Out of that decision came space. Freedom to think. Opportunities I could never have imagined at the time. I would not have had the headspace to build Hood otherwise. And I am fairly sure my body thanks me for no longer fuelling it with cheap white wine and grab bag crisps.

As we close out this year, I would love it if even one reader paused and asked herself what is actually working in her life. Whether she feels nourished, fulfilled and well.

If not, perhaps this is your East Midlands Airport moment to stop and reconsider. The answers rarely arrive fully formed. But if you give yourself space, they do come. 

Wishing you all a healthy, happy and successful (whatever that looks like to you) 2026.